I've been working for her for more than four years, now, and I never realized how much I cared about her. She's difficult to please, and micro-manages; I dare not make any decisions, and dare not fail to make decisions! I've had to beg off responsibility, citing my own cluelessness about human nature, and that bothers her, understandably. Still, she hasn't fired me lately (I've been fired twice, but stayed anyway...and she kept writing my paychecks!). Once I met her sister and saw that she treated her sister the same way she treats me, I realized she really did like me. That made it much easier to work for her.
I met her through my ex-wife; she was my ex's divorce attorney. Seems her secretary quit a couple of days before her vacation, and she needed someone to care for her cat while she was gone. I happened to be handy when she called my ex for help, and lived a lot closer to the cat! I was also only working odd jobs at the time--there's a long story there--so I was available. When she got back from vacation, she said her cat had never been so happy... and by the way, did I know anything about computers? Only a little: I've worked with computers since the 1970s, have repaired, used, and even programmed them for a living most of my adult life. They're intuitive to me. So I thought, I can take a little secretarial work for a while; who knows: I might learn something!
I did.
I've always automatically despised lawyers. (You might refer to my "heterosexual questionnaire" answers.) A liar is bad enough, but anyone who lies for money is automatically less than a whore to me, and lawyers survive by pursuing their clients' viewpoints, whether just or unjust. So I wasn't expecting to stay long at this job.
I learned something right away: Not all lawyers are scumbags. I think that's important to know, as an adult in a country with more lawyers per capita than anywhere else in the world.
My boss is revered by many hundreds of people, many of whom have been through our office doors during my time here. She's active in her church, and volunteers for Habitat for Humanity, among others. She was the only bilingual attorney in town--that I know of--until this year, when a new attorney moved into our office building. This new attorney has been getting a lot of referrals suddenly; she hasn't even had time to settle in!
My own life has been making its own drastic changes. Last year I decided to become more active, more social; so I joined a nationwide club--whose general membership meetings I video-record and post--and a local political action group. Then I joined a writers' group, and a photography club, and the local Republican Party; I'm now a precinct chair, and was a delegate at the state convention. I began attending social events and songwriters' circles. I found a girlfriend.
Let's stop there: I found a girlfriend. Not just any girl, mind you. When I got married in 1999, I was 40, and had decided that I wasn't going to find a girl that might be my match. I'd given up. Now, the woman I married--and divorced--is a wonderful person, don't get me wrong, but she was not a match for me. I don't mean that she wasn't good enough; more that she and I don't share the same beliefs. We should have been friends, instead of getting married. We're still friends, though she lives in a different town now. Our time together was educational for me, and I am very glad for the things I learned and the closeness we shared. Her family is awesome, and one that I was happy to be a member of.
My current girlfriend, on the other hand, is educating me in a different way. I can talk to her about my deepest fears and regrets, and she has bared her self to me in a way I've never had before. We communicate on a higher level. She's teaching me, not just about herself and myself, but about spirituality. In essence, she's bringing me back to faith in Jesus. Shes become more dear to me than I had thought possible.
This is not without a cost, but I don't think it could have come at a more opportune time. I had grown cynical and bitter--watching people vote for psychopathic idiots can do that to you (okay, no more jabs, I promise!)--and there was a lot of garbage in my "baggage." My girlfriend stood by me while I worked through this--no, she LED me through it!... and it couldn't have been pleasant for her! She's shown me new understanding of scripture, and new references.
This is coming in the midst of world changes, and I've skipped many meetings to allow myself adjustment time, and to deal with more important issues.
After one particularly rough weekend, I cut off about sixteen inches of my hair as a reminder to myself of my repentance. My boss--and her sister--shaved their heads that same week. Chemo was my boss's reason; her sister cut hers to show support.
It's hard not to cry.
